For example, if you’d like to date someone who goes to spiritual talks, or political rallies, who volunteers at a care home or goes to festivals – you’re likely to find them in those places! If you’d like to date a professor- find out where they hang out after work. If you’d like a partner with a dog – go for walks in the park.
This part may require you to get out of your social comfort zone but, as we know in life: when you want different results, sometimes you’ve got to do something different. Going alone to events, meetups or classes can make us more open to meeting new people and more approachable. Alternatively you can try recruiting a friend to start a new hobby or join a club with you.
One thing to note is that our level of openness will affect how likely we are to take advantage of chance opportunities that come up. Noticing who is around us; being open to eye contact; flashing a quick smile at strangers; or being able to say a simple “hi”, makes us much more likely to connect with new people. If you feel too shy, try doing something by yourself that helps get you out of your comfort zone and boosts your social bravery – like ecstatic dance, singing or improvisation classes. Richard Wiseman’s book “The Luck Factor” also explains why some people seem to have more lucky chances than others, and how to emulate them.
It can also help to send a summary of the ideal partner description you put together to friends you trust, and ask them to stay on the look out for anyone single and eligible who matches it.
It sets us on a much stronger foundation for a relationship when the cup of our own self love is already full, with the overflow going to others, rather than looking for someone else to fill us up from empty
Not only are you more likely to meet someone who matches your “ideal” partner description at the places they hang out, you are also likely to be more attractive to such a person if you enjoy similar activities. If you want to date someone who helps homeless people; stays fit and healthy; or who is emotionally stable and loving, that person would likely want a partner like that too!
We all have three to five top things in our lives that we prioritize with our time, energy and other resources – whether that’s our family, friends, partner, health and wellness, personal development, career, a hobby, a cause, a business, financial security, travel, personal freedom or stability. If there is too much of a mismatch between what you and your partner prioritize, there will likely be compatibility issues.
It boosted the standard for how I wanted to be treated in a relationship, as my base level for looking after myself was higher
Read through your description of them and notice where there might be an imbalance in qualities, and whether you make up for it elsewhere. The great thing is, if you can see areas you’d like to work on, personal development is likely to boost your self-esteem, as well as helping you meet people who are also interested in those hobbies. None of us are “fixed” where we are – we can start a new activity, meet new people or behave in ways we admire in others, at any stage in life.
As I mentioned, taking myself on “dates” (like going to exhibitions or restaurants I would have gone to with a boyfriend) and acts of self-care (like buying yourself flowers, getting a massage or meditating) helped me realize I didn’t need a partner to do nice things, and built up my self-love.